Saturday, May 2, 2020
On the latest at-home addition of “Real Time,” Bill Maher used his mid-show gag to tell some jokes about presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden, by bringing back his parody of People Magazine-style celebrity profiles for “24 Things You Don’t Know” about the former Obama vice president.
Of course, as always Maher didn’t actually read 24 separate things, but he did rattle off 10 jokes referencing everything from Biden’s age, his history touching people in public, and his many previous attempts to become the Democratic presidential nominee.
“Okay, well with the election only six months away we thought it would be a good time to shed a little light on Joe Biden, upon whom all our hopes are resting,” Maher said at the start of the gag. “And you know Joe has been running for president for a very long time and has been on the public scene since, well, before anyone can remember. And yet a lot of people don’t know everything about Joe Biden. So we thought it’d be a great day to do 24 things you don’t know — 24 things you don’t know about Joe Biden.”
Without belaboring the point further, we’ll just post all of them for your reading convenience below. Here are all 10 of the Joe Biden ‘facts’ Maher provided:
“I was asked to social distance even before the virus,” a reference to complaints from some women that Biden touches people inappropriately.
“My defense whenever I suddenly fall asleep is ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere,’” referring to earlier this week, when Biden appeared to fall asleep during a joint video appearance with Hillary Clinton.
“Sometimes I’ll walk into a room and completely forget why I’m running for president.”
“My first idea for a campaign slogan was ‘I’m on her.’”
“When I told me I got Hillary’s endorsement, I thought they meant Sir Edmund Hillary.”
“I like to think of myself as a cross between JFK and your second husband.”
“About 45 seconds into a sentence even I’m asking, ‘Where is this going?’”
“Bernie Sanders and I don’t agree on everything but we are united in our belief that they screwed the lids on pickle jars way too tight.”
“They call me ‘Amtrak Joe’ because I love riding trains. And also because I’m usually late and I smell like pee.”
“You think I’m in cognitive decline? You should see the other guy.” The “other guy” in this joke was, you don’t be surprised to learn, Donald Trump.
Source: the wrap feed